It’s crazy how much we change in such short amount of time. I wrote a document on March 22, 2012 about where I thought my future was leading me and where God was leading me. When I read it now, I just see how lost I was and how worried I was about my future, but now that I reflect on my own life right now, everything is so much clearer. It’s like in that moment we’re so worried about our own futures, about discerning God’s plan for us, but ultimately all it just takes is just faithful obedience and in time He reveals his plan for us. It’s crazy how in just 4 months, I have no qualms about my future, but I’m okay with taking things as they come along. You may call it ignorance, but I just kind of see it as having confidence in the cross, knowing and trusting that He’s leading me somewhere. I’m just so amazed at how much God changes our own minds and hearts in such a short amount of time. I guess that’s just the power of the Gospel.

“⁷ But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. ⁸ Indeed, I count everything as loss because ofthe surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ ⁹ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith— ¹⁰  that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, ¹¹ that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead.”

- Philippians 3:7-11

Growing up in church I don’t think I’ve ever really understood the Gospel message, because the Gospel has never been so precious, so beautiful to me, until now. It’s like once I understood the Gospel, every time I hear about this message it’s even more powerful, more life changing than it was before. The fact that Jesus Christ came and died on that cross, so that someone like me, a depraved individual like me, could be invited into God’s kingdom is just mind blowing. The fact that God loves me, regardless of my sin, that God has adopted me into His family, that God has shown grace to me, is incomprehensible. Who in this world can love us like the Father can. If you hear this Gospel message and it doesn’t change you, then I don’t think you are hearing the same message I am hearing. Everything is just rubbish in comparison to knowing and loving Jesus. And every time I hear this message I am brought to tears, just the raw emotion that stirs in me knowing that God loves me, my heart is shaken. I am just always overwhelmed by the grace God has shown me, and I want to take this Gospel message to the ends of the earth. I want others to know of the love and grace of this relentless God. 

It’s been a while since I’ve updated this thing.. let’s see whats been new..

Working has been an interesting experience. I’m not sure if I like it or not. Sure it’s great experience, but I miss college life a lot. I miss staying up for no apparent reason, I miss just chilling with friends, I miss bobst.. HAHA man don’t take college life for granted, it’s honestly probably the best 4 years you’ll get out of life.. from there on its just a daily grind. That’s why I can’t wait to go back to school, I hope I get accepted so I can start going back to school, and hopefully study something I am actually interested in. 

Working is also a good thing because I am learning a lot of lessons on what it means being an adult. Like spending money wisely (I still don’t do this), being able to communicate with other older people, learning how to be patient with difficult people, having responsibilities. It’s all a very interesting experience, and I have a lot of responsibilities at the office. I practically do everything there is to do at the office, from scheduling patients, to dealing with insurance companies. It’s pretty crazy how much I do, but I think if I were to run my own private practice I’d know exactly how to run one so I guess that’s a good thing. 

Being at home I’ve been picking up a lot of new hobbies, which means spending more money that I don’t have. I’ve learned how to play drums, and thus had to buy a drum set. (Yes I HAD to… not really but it was definitely a good investment) I’m trying to learn guitar, so the past week I literally went to Guitar Center everyday to play with guitars there and I really wanted to buy one, but I held the urge and just borrowed one. I am looking to buy one, but that’s after I pay off my drum set. (money managment!) Anyways working means I have money, and having money means I can spend it. I’ve been living off each pay check, basically either paying off credit card debt, or buying something nice. I’m still learning how to save money and trying to manage my money correctly hahahaha. 

I am still doing my applications. I should’ve been finished a month ago, but seeing that I have secondary applications which are taking much longer than I anticipated. About half the schools I applied to have received my application and the other are waiting for me to finish. So my goal is to finish everything by the weekend! Hopefully! 

Besides work I’ve been pretty involved in church. I am a drummer for the praise team, I teach bible study for youth kids, I teach a Math SAT class, and I am also staff for vision school (which is like a missions awareness class). My weekend is basically church, and it’s been an interesting experience. I feel like being a part of so many different ministries has been giving me a bigger desire and passion to see God’s work being done.

Honestly this entire year I’ve felt so complacent and lost. I just felt like I was just living for myself and for my own selfish desire, and I doubted God a lot. But being home I’ve begun to see the people’s need for Jesus. Honestly I see so much brokenness in the rude patients that arrive, so much in the people around me, it just made me realize how much everyone just needs Jesus. I feel like if people just knew of the grace and salvation Jesus Christ provides that people would act this way or that way. I’ve also begun to see my need for Jesus and how without Him I’m just as lost and there is no peace in my life. Being a part of all these ministries really helps me see how God works in all sorts of different aspects. Whether through praise, through missions, through teaching youth, I’m beginning to understand the importance of the Gospel in our everyday lives. 

Also I am a part of vision school which is basically a missions awareness program that invites missionaries/speakers from all over the world to speak and inform us about the unreached nations. When Josh had come back from Syria, I thought he was brainwashed or something crazy happened to him cause he kept urging me to go and I kept saying I’ll think about it, but inside I was saying “no”. But hearing about how God has been working in the Islamic nations through these missionaries who are speaking to us makes me want to know what they experience. When I think about it, what makes me sad is that these people have never heard of Jesus Christ, they don’t know what grace, mercy, or redemption is. For us it’s something we hear on a weekly or even daily basis. It’s something we know and it’s something we take for granted or take advantage of. But here are these people who have never experienced anything like that their entire lives. To me it breaks my heart to think about that, and that is why while attending vision school and hearing more about how God is working in those nations I want to go and minister to these people. So my future plans I am still applying to dental school and by the grace of God maybe I’ll get in. But I also want to go on short term missions to one of these Islamic countries so I can spread God’s love and mercy to the people of that nations. Please pray for me!

Now that I’ve officially graduated from NYU I am an adult. Just the thought of being an adult is sort of weird. Now I have to start acting like one, but I still feel like I will always be a college student on the inside. Seeing all these facebook posts of people going back to school makes me wish I could join them. On one hand I am happy that I graduated, no more tuition, no more studying, no more classes. On the other hand I will miss all the free time I had being a college student. Just getting a glimpse of what working full time meant made me stress a lot. Now that I am going to be working at a dental office, my mistakes no longer only affect me but others around me. I knew at one point I would have to just man up and start working, but just knowing I have responsibilities makes me anxious. Part of me wishes I could always be the carefree college student, but there comes a time when we have to grow up and become adults. No more staying up past 12PM, no more playing video games late into the night, now I have a bedtime, and I have a place to be at 8 in the morning.

But anyways the life of an adult is boring, cherish your college years, they go by way too fast. I haven’t even started full time yet I’m already imaging what my life will be like. Well let’s just see what God has in store for me this next year!

My father is someone I look up to, someone I want to be when I’m older, someone I can only hope to be. I don’t know a man more loving, more caring, more patient than my father. I look back over the years of how I lived my life, and I can not be more thankful that I grew up with the family I have today. My dad works countless hours and I don’t know how he does it. I think all my life he’s worked 2 jobs, over 80 hour weeks for the past 18 years and he is still at it today. 

Sometimes I look back at my life and I realize how much I’ve taken it all for granted. Sometimes I spend so much money that I know I shouldn’t spend, sometimes I don’t take my education as seriously as I should, sometimes I don’t take life seriously and I live for pleasure. Despite all that, my dad is someone who continues to work and support me with whatever I need. 

The one thing that surprises me about my dad is that he has an incredible amount of patience. I have never heard him yell, or seen him angry. I’ve seen him frustrated definitely, but he has always kept a calm demeanor. I can only be so thankful that I grew up in a family like the one I have. And be grateful that I have such a good role model when many other guys have grown up with much less. 

One thing I do realize about my relationship with my father is that we didn’t talk as much as we should, or as I want to, but as I grow older I do see my relationship with my father being less of a father/son relationship but more of a friendly one. Of course I will always see my dad as my father, but he is also becoming more of a friend. Whenever we do have a chance to talk, I always find myself more curious about my dad’s past and our conversations have gone from my dad always giving me advice, to just talking about things, or even girls. 

I realize as I grow older that the time spent with our parents is shortening and that I need to make the most of the time I have with both my parents. What motivates me the most is the drive to give my parents back what they’ve given me. What drives me to be successful is to provide my parents a comfortable life so that they no longer have to work and I can give them the luxurious life they’ve always deserved. Honestly they’ve sacrificed everything so that me and my sister could enjoy the little things. And I can only hope to provide them what they’ve provided me with.

I’ve already decided that with my first paycheck, with my own money that I’ve earned, I plan to treat both my parents to a good meal, and that is only the beginning. 

All in all, today I remember the things my dad has done for me and that I can only hope to be as good of a father as he was to me. 

Thank you appa, you’ve been a great father to me, and thank you for always being so patient with me. Happy Fathers day! and I love you! 

Your son,
DongJoong 

So I developed a theory, called the lake theory, which is about finding your future mate. So this is how it goes..

Everyone has their own lake, which is filled with bunch of fishes. You spend your days fishing in this pond, hoping to catch something good, sometimes you might catch something, but it may be too small, or some unwanted fish. Then lets say you’ve spent enough time in your lake and want to venture out. That is when you start building water bridges between your lake and your friends lake, and let their fish swim into your lake area. There may be novel fish in their lake, that can be introduced into your lake. Eventually you’ll find that perfect, succulent fish, as long as you keep building bridges between your friends.

If you didn’t know by now, basically your lake is the people you know, and the people you will meet. Sometimes you can search amongst those that you know and won’t find anything special, that is when you branch out (in desperate times) and ask your friends if they know anyone, and maybe you’ll have better chances with them.

Of course there’s also a chance that the perfect fish may happen to somehow travel into your lake from someone elses lake, maybe they’ve evolved and started moving on their own, and ended up in your lake. Or maybe a bird, picks up a fish and accidentally drops it into your lake and that is your perfect fish that you’ve always been looking for.

Also you have the option to fish as well, if you want you can just sit in your boat (celibacy) and never fish. Maybe sometimes the fish don’t like your boat (friend zone), and will never be able to see past the boat and the fish will avoid you. There may be hawks in your area as well, you gotta watch out for those, they’ll just swoop down and steal that fish from you, so you gotta watch out for them as well. And maybe lightning will strike down in your lake, and that fish dies from the electrocution (God forbid) and your perfect fish is gone. Maybe your fish, just takes nibbles and never takes the bait and just plays you for your feelings and money. AND maybe a fish caught your bait, but you spend an intense struggle trying to catch it and then you realize you don’t even want that fish in the first place and let it go. It may take years to catch the right fish, but one day, you will find the right one!

Of course I could go on about multiple scenarios about the lake theory, but this is my approach to college and relationships in general. You spend time making friends and acquaintances, getting to know people, and who knows maybe one of the relationships you’ve made with one of those people grows into something more, and you’ve found the fish you’ve always been looking for and they’ve been right there in front of you. And of course when you get desperate enough, you start asking your buddies where the girls are, oops I mean fish, and they can introduce you to new people.

Anyways I hope you enjoyed my theory, graduating from college makes me wonder if I might need to open up some bridges to other people’s lakes, or maybe that one fish is right there under my boat, just waiting to be hooked by me. Cause you know.. I’m quite the catch..

Ok bad pun.. but yea..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QzPzz9OLNDA&feature=related

Watching this video hits me close to home, I remember the first time I watched it I teared up because the scene where the son had to help his mom with the remote just reminded me of my relationship with my own mom and how the many times she’s asked me to help her with the computer and how to manage her emails and everything. I remember getting so frustrated over nothing, and every time something would go wrong she would call me to ask for help. I remember entering college she would call me everyday and how sometimes I would feel smothered by her. I remember the multiple calls asking me if I studied, or if I was studying. I remember her telling me the same things over and over and the multiple times I would just nod in agreement just to finish the conversation. I remember when she joined facebook and became an active part of my life. I remember the times she would call me about the questionable statuses I would put up.

I realize that I took a lot of things for granted, and I also realize that as I get older the less interaction I am experiencing with my mom but the more I cherish it. I realize how as I begin to move on with my life, how the time I spend with my mom becomes completely different. One day that time will be focused on my own family and I think my mom also realizes this. As people grow older the time they spent together during childhood will only grows smaller until those daily calls, turn into weekly ones, to monthly ones, to every once in a while. I think that is the natural process of life but I think with that the time you spend with your mom just becomes even more special. 

Now the times my mom asks for my help with emails or the computer, I feel happy that I can be of assistance for her. The times she calls I am happy to hear her voice. The calls go from being about studying, to being about life. The conversations have gone from being about me, and how I’m doing and hearing about how my mom is doing. Facebook has just become another means of communicating with my mom, and another way of her seeing how I am doing. 

When I think about my mom, I see how strong of a person she is, and how without her daily calls or her active participation in my own life, how different my life would be. She is one of the most Godly women I know, and one of the most hardworking people I know. Now when I see my mom I can only see the sacrifices she makes for me and my sisters sake, and only pushes me more to achieve greatness. 

As I type this post, I only realize how much I’ve taken my mom for granted, and how in the past 22 years have just flown by and the time I spent with her feels very little. One thing I look forward to in the next year is living at home, and being able to really spend time with both my parents. I want to spend the rest of the time I have to really spend my time with her and honestly just make her life a relaxing and comfortable one. 

Though I failed my mom many times, she has always been the one to love me despite my flaws. Even at times I’ve just felt disappointed in myself, she was always there to love me no matter what and I can’t thank my mom enough for the love she’s shown me. I think everyday should be mothers day, and though I can’t do much for her right now, I hope in the future to come that I can make everyday special for her. I know to her I am still her little boy, and I think that will always remain the same. Though I’ve been called a mommas boy, I think that it’s really true. Some say its weird to have a mom who knows who all my friends are, a mom that calls pretty often, but I think thats just one aspect of my relationship with my mom that I’m beginning to cherish. 

Anyways since Mother’s Day is tomorrow, I realize I haven’t done much for my mom, but hopefully next year I can do something for her and really make her day special. Reminiscing about the time I’ve spent with my mom only fills me with appreciation for her, and makes me happy that I am her son.

Proverbs 31:10-31

The Woman Who Fears the Lord

10 An excellent wife who can find?

She is far more precious than jewels.

11 The heart of her husband trusts in her,

and he will have no lack of gain.

12 She does him good, and not harm,

all the days of her life.

13 She seeks wool and flax,

and works with willing hands.

14 She is like the ships of the merchant;

she brings her food from afar.

15 She rises while it is yet night

and provides food for her household

and portions for her maidens.

16 She considers a field and buys it;

with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.

17 She dresses herself with strength

and makes her arms strong.

18 She perceives that her merchandise is profitable.

Her lamp does not go out at night.

19 She puts her hands to the distaff,

and her hands hold the spindle.

20 She opens her hand to the poor

and reaches out her hands to the needy.

21 She is not afraid of snow for her household,

for all her household are clothed in scarlet.

22 She makes bed coverings for herself;

her clothing is fine linen and purple.

23 Her husband is known in the gates

when he sits among the elders of the land.

24 She makes linen garments and sells them;

she delivers sashes to the merchant.

25 Strength and dignity are her clothing,

and she laughs at the time to come.

26 She opens her mouth with wisdom,

and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.

27 She looks well to the ways of her household

and does not eat the bread of idleness.

28 Her children rise up and call her blessed;

her husband also, and he praises her:

29 “Many women have done excellently,

but you surpass them all.”

30 Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,

but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

31 Give her of the fruit of her hands,

and let her works praise her in the gates.

Anyways with that said I just wanted to dedicate this post to my own 엄마. I hope that God will continue to work in my moms life and that she will always be the God fearing mom that I know. Thank you 엄마 for everything! 사랑해요! <3

To: 엄마

From: 아들

So finally after a long two months of rigorous studying, sacrificing my spring break and social life, I have finally finished! I am officially done with the DATs and I don’t think I’m going to take it again, but we shall see. I am pretty satisfied with my score, did way better than I thought I did whilst taking the test, and my studying paid off! I still think I could’ve done better but I am satisfied with my score. Last week I spent the entire spring break just studying for the DAT, literally from Saturday to Saturday I was at the library from 11:00am-10:00pm, every single day, though it sucked, and at times I felt pretty discouraged from taking practice tests, I somehow survived and made it to the end!

All I can say is, hard work does pay off, and it’s pretty cool to stick to a goal and finish it till the end. God provides, and it’s because of Him that I made it this far. Anyways I feel extra motivated to finish this semester strong, and bring up my GPA as much as I can, I am excited to see the last 2 months of this semester, it’s time to study hard and play hard! Anyways, that’s it, I am done, HOORAY! 

Have a wonderful day. :D